Paper is for goons

"Larry, why don't you actually PRINT your book so that I (Luddite friend) can read it."

From Hugh Howey: It is often said that e-readers can’t replace physical books, because books have a certain heft and tactile feel and even a smell to them. Well what if those people are eventually wrong? We will one day build an e-reader that’s indistinguishable from a physical book, and I believe people alive today will live to see such a device.

That's why.

I've read a ton of blog posts (4) from writers who talk about how exciting it was to hold a book they authored in their hands. To see their name in print. To actually place it in the magazine holder next to the toilet along with the old issues of The New Yorker and Vanity Fair and in my case, medical journals that have subject matter such as, "Romosozumab in Postmenopausal Women with Osteopenia." They usually have an accompanying illustration which depicts medical peril (anal warts, fatty heart valve, etc...). I have a few framed.

Print. When I was an art director, I used to get a kick out of seeing my ads in print and later on T.V. and eventually on the web where it didn't count as print, but you could read the fucker so what does that mean? "Mostly print?" That's where I'm at with "Paradise Rot." I've had a few people ask for the "paper version" which I tell them doesn't exist because I love Mother Earth. But seriously,  I do ask if they have an e-reader of sorts or an ipad or anything electronic that displays words on it, because if they do, then they can read my book.They can also join in with other modern day technology like zippers and food in powdered form (Medifast).

I've never been big on delivery systems. I went from vinyl to 8-track to cassette to CD back to vinyl to MP3 and now Bluetooth streaming. However I can get the content quickly and easily is how I'll take the content. You can substitute "content" for "meth" in that last sentence, because really, that's what content has become. And I, like Walt Whitman said, "contribute a verse."

I am going to print about 30 copies on demand for a book reading in July at the local indy shop. I'm sure it'll be fun to hold a copy of the book in my hands. I designed the cover, so that should be pretty neat. I'm thinking I'll put an image of a kindle e-reader on the back cover with the blurb on it. How's that for harmonic convergence?

So no more, "I really want to read it, but it's not in print," bullshit. Instead say, "I have seen the future and it's digitized." Eh? C'mon, forfeit your flat earth society membership and climb aboard. I've got some great reading material for you.

Bon Scott or Brian Johnson?

David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar?

Carl Hiaasen or Kurt Vonnegut?

Satire or Humor?

I dunno? They both have their pros and cons. Right now my novel is listed under satire. I didn't pick the category, Amazon did (at least, I think that's how it happened. If not then ignore this post. Get on with the rest of your life). I considered it humorous fiction. You'd find it right next to Jennifer Weiner's (no relation) stuff.

Christopher Moore or Chuck Palahniuk?

They're both in the general fiction section, though I'd label them satire, but then there is no satire section in my local bookstore. So I guess they're general fiction?

Go ahead, pretend you're a novel. Where would you land on the bookshelf?

Ozzy or Dio?

A writer has a chance to list dozens of tag words to associate with their novel. For instance I have "satire" listed as well as "paralyzed" and "Chihuahua." So much for tag words. If someone were searching for information on caring for a paraplegic, my novel might pop up. That sucks. I'd be annoyed. Might even write the author a letter letting them know they're a tag whore. That's where we're at with selling a book these days. Not very targeted. Possibly offensive.

Did you think of what section you'd be on a shelf - or in the Amazon ebook section?

John Wayne Gacy or Ted Bundy?

Pimpin' ain't easy.